Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Feel the Fear... and Do it Anyway

Dr. Vu has left the choice in my hands. My eyes look great, he says. There is still debris in the vitreous gel of both eyes but only surgery or time will clear that up. The retina is re-attached and holding fine. Tears are closed in both eyes and healed. So, he said, the choice is yours. I am cleared to swim. He said, "would you regret if you did it and the retina detached again?" I thought to myself... if I DIDN'T do it and the retina stayed attached, I would always regret it... I would always wonder if I could have done it.

The doctor did say that I could do NOTHING and still get a detached retina. It is absolutely not related to physical activity such as swimming, biking and running. If I was playing football, lacrosse or boxing, that would be a different story. But he made it clear... even if I don't do anything... it could still happen again. We set another appointment for December and he sent me on my way.

So, now the ball is in my court. And, as I said earlier, I believe I would regret NOT starting the race. Readers of this blog know that I have worked extremely hard this year, sacrificed a lot and spent a lot of money. I don't get this close to a goal and not try the final push to attain it. So, I'm going for it. I'm going to do Ironman Florida 2008.

So, here is the rub.... I have not done any swimming since August 16. Today is October 7. The race is November 1. I wanted to get a swim in today, but life got in the way. My swimming was weak this year already up to mid-August. Additionally, I was teed up to do a 100 mile + bike ride on Sunday and I pulled out after 58 miles. I DNFed the training ride. I was sore and tired and quite frankly, was somewhat demoralized. FEAR was creeping into my head and telling me YOU CAN'T DO THIS... WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? I had a ton of excuses in my head... but none of them were good or valid. I DNFed. PERIOD.

Triathlon, especially long distance triathlon, is not just about swimming, biking and running. It is also about MENTAL conditioning and then nutrition plays a big role, too. But, that mental thing is critical. And, the past 48 hours... my mental attitude has not been positive. I have a lot of fear right now.

Tomorrow morning... 16 mile run. I plan on biking on Thursday and I have got to swim here at some point. Perhaps Friday will be the day. Saturday brick and Sunday... 100 mile Sugarloaf Mountain ride. Feel the fear... and do it anyway.

If you were looking for a blog that did not express true feelings, then you are in the wrong place.

1 comment:

jadaigle said...

If your eye issues are not related to your training, you should do Ironman. I think you are making the right choice.